I Think I’ve Got A Shot At This One

Seeking a creative individual to join the content management team at an innovative social media start-up.

Skills required:

1] Must be able to rewrite song lyrics to feature the word “poop”

2] Must be able to work at least 7 minutes before looking at Netflix

3] Must have the ability to remember 40% of a shopping list

4] Must be familiar with at least 12 pages of 4 different Slavoj Zizek books

Responsibilities include:

1] Regretting high school

2] Seething

3] Googling “The Corrs”

4] Lengthy periods of staring at shelves deciding what to unclutter

Body weight exceeding 200 pounds is not required, but is an asset.

The successful applicant will have a laissez-faire attitude toward lightbulb replacement and a large collection of old magazines and newspapers in case they come in handy.

We are an equal opportunity employer and welcome all applicants, with the exception of hipsters.

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